In brief
Forums excel at individual sharing: one person speaks, the group witnesses. Relational practice puts the space between people at the center. AI can read every word of a meeting, but it can’t feel the breath change or the moment someone leaves. These exercises, drawn from Authentic Relating, Circling, and Getting Real, train what only people in a room can do.
Looking for quick icebreakers and discussion prompts instead? See the Exercise Library.
These practices put the relationship in the room at the center. Most run from five minutes to an hour, in pairs or small groups, and ask the same simple thing: pay attention to the person in front of you, notice what moves in you, and say it out loud. No training required, only willingness. The two ideas just below explain why the exercises are shaped the way they are; after that, start wherever you’re drawn.
Before the exercises, there are two ideas. These concepts, drawn from the broader relational-practice tradition, are the scaffolding that makes everything that follows make sense.
Susan Campbell’s research found that roughly 90% of human communication comes from the intent to control — to manage how we’re perceived, to avoid uncomfortable outcomes, to protect ourselves from uncertainty.
Controlling communication includes: giving advice when not asked, trying to seem more confident than you feel, telling people how they should feel, asking questions designed to make a point rather than to understand.
Relating means communicating from the intent to exchange feelings and information — to know and be known — without trying to control the outcome. It requires tolerating not knowing how the other will respond.
All the exercises in this library are training for that tolerance.
In a forum. This is the conceptual underpinning of the advice rule. When someone gives unsolicited advice, they’re controlling, not relating. Naming this — not as a criticism but as a human pattern — helps forums understand the rule at a deeper level.
Most communication blends observation, interpretation, and feeling into a single statement — and the blend is usually invisible. Separating them changes everything.
Keeping these three channels separate is the foundation of all present-centered communication.
In a forum. Forum members who learn this framework start catching themselves mid-sentence. “Wait, is this a notice or an imagine?” That question alone makes conversations more honest.
These four sit closest to the heart of the matter. They work below language, in breath, gaze, and the felt sense of another person’s presence. Most land best in person; the two marked virtual-friendly carry over to Zoom.
Pairs sit facing or side by side. One sets a slow, easy breath — nothing forced. The other lets their breathing drift into the same rhythm for two or three minutes, then they switch who leads. A shared count works too: in for four, out for six.
Keep it gentle. Never deep or fast. The point isn’t to achieve anything; it’s to let two bodies find a shared tempo.
The science is real: CU Boulder researchers found that when an empathetic partner holds the hand of someone in pain, their heart and breathing rates sync and the pain eases. Attunement is physiological, not metaphorical.
In a forum: a simple way to settle the room before deep work, or to land it afterward.
Pairs sit facing, soft eye contact or eyes closed. A facilitator reads slowly: “This person has a body and a mind, just like me. This person has known sadness, disappointment, and hurt, just like me. This person wishes to be happy, just like me.” Close with silent goodwill: “I wish for this person to be happy.”
The evidence: a 2025 Wharton Neuroscience Initiative study found this short practice produced large gains in felt closeness, in person and over Zoom, and that people who did it shared more generously afterward.
In a forum: the most business-credible practice here — it came out of Google’s Search Inside Yourself program — and one of the few with evidence it works on a screen. A strong first taste.
After a member shares — an update, a presentation — the group skips advice entirely. Each person reflects only what they saw and sensed in the body: “When you talked about the layoffs, your voice dropped and your eyes went to the floor. I felt a wave of sadness from you.” The sharer takes in whatever fits.
The rule: observation plus your own felt impact, not diagnosis. “Your jaw tightened” yes. “You’re clearly in denial” no.
In a forum: the clearest demonstration of the whole idea. AI can give feedback on your written update; a person can tell you your shoulders climbed to your ears while you read it.
Two people sit in gentle contact — a soft gaze, or an easy conversation. Each carries one extra task. When you sense your partner has left — gone into their head, gone flat, somewhere else — you name it gently: “I notice you just went somewhere.” And when you catch yourself leaving, you name that too.
Frame it as curiosity, never a catch. Drifting is the most human thing in the world. The practice is noticing it together, with kindness.
In a forum: the flagship. Noticing the instant another person stops being present is exactly what a machine cannot do — there is no one there to register your leaving.
AR Games are structured exercises designed to build genuine contact fast. They come from the Authentic Relating community — a tradition that developed alongside Circling in the Bay Area and spread globally. Most take 10–20 minutes. They work as forum openers, check-ins, or standalone session additions.
Two people sit facing each other, making eye contact. Person A says: “Being here with you, I notice…” and completes with any present-moment observation — a sensation, an emotion, a thought, something they perceive about the other person. B responds: “Hearing that, I notice…” They alternate back and forth.
The key rule: observations must be unarguable. “I notice your breathing slowed” yes. “I notice you’re nervous” no. Stay on your own side of the net.
Setup. Pairs, seated facing each other. Timer optional.
In a forum. Strong opener for any session. The rule about unarguable observations is itself a useful teaching — many people discover they’ve been speaking interpretations as if they were facts.
Setup. Pairs. 25–30 min per full exchange. Timer helpful.
In a forum. Consistently rated the deepest AR game after Circling. The feedback round is where most people discover how much their questions were actually about themselves.
One person takes the “hot seat.” Anyone can ask any question. The hot seat person can answer truthfully, decline, or even lie — it’s their choice. The only permitted response from questioners is “Thank you” — said at any point, which signals the person to stop talking, even mid-sentence.
Before sitting, the person chooses their intensity level: mild (“What brings you joy?”), medium (“When did you last feel lonely?”), or spicy (“Who in this room are you most drawn to?”).
Facilitator ends each turn on a high note. Optional close: group shares “What I get about you is…”
Setup. Group of 4–12. Designated chair optional but useful. One person at a time.
In a forum. The “Thank you” rule is the whole game. It prevents the questioner from making the moment about themselves, and it trains everyone to receive without explaining. Forums that try this often want it every session.
Address someone: “[Name], I have a truth for you.” They respond: “I’m listening.”
Share using the format: “When you [specific unarguable moment], I felt [emotion].”
Receiver responds only with “Thank you.”
Truths can be positive, negative, or neutral — the key is sharing impact, not evaluation. “When you asked about my daughter by name, I felt seen” is a truth. “You’re such a good listener” is a compliment — different thing.
Setup. Full group, popcorn or structured turns. Classic closing exercise.
In a forum. This is the quintessential end-of-session exercise. Forum members often leave having finally said something they’ve been carrying for months.
Chairs in a circle, one fewer than participants. The person without a chair stands in the center, shares something true about themselves — anything from “I’ve been to five continents” to “I feel uncomfortable in large groups” — then asks: “Anybody else?”
Everyone for whom it’s true stands up. All standing people scramble for new seats (can’t return to same or adjacent chair). Whoever is left standing goes next.
“Nobody Else” variation: share something you think is uniquely true for you. If others stand, it’s a reveal; if no one does, it’s also a reveal.
Setup. Group of 6+. Chairs arranged in a circle. Physical space needed.
In a forum. Great energizer when a group has been sitting too long. The moments when something unexpected produces a wave of people standing are memorable — they create instant connection around shared experience nobody knew they shared.
Someone names a stem. Each person completes it going clockwise; the person who suggested it answers last. Anyone can suggest the next stem. Pass is always allowed.
Setup. Any size group. Works in-person or virtual. No materials needed.
In a forum. Enormously versatile. The moderator can calibrate depth by choosing the opening stem and letting the group escalate naturally. Starting light and letting members choose to go deeper respects autonomy and still produces depth.
Solo reflection, then sharing. Each layer gets 45 seconds:
Then share — whatever feels right to offer to the group.
Setup. Solo reflection first, then share in pairs or full group. Timer needed.
In a forum. Works beautifully as an opening exercise at a retreat or at the start of a new year. The “whatever I’m willing to share right now” language is important — it gives real permission to calibrate depth.
Each person completes the stem: “If you really knew me, you would know…”
Can be done in a single round, or in multiple rounds of increasing depth. The moderator can choose to pause after each share for the group to respond, or let shares flow popcorn-style.
Simple in structure. Often produces the most significant moment of the evening.
Setup. Full group. Works best when the group has some trust established. 15–45 min.
In a forum. This is one of the most commonly used exercises across all relational practice communities. The simplicity is the point — there’s nowhere to hide behind complexity.
Setup. Pairs. 16–20 min for full exchange. Quiet space helps.
In a forum. Goes deep fast. Forum members often know each other’s professional accomplishments — this reaches somewhere else entirely. Best for a longer session or retreat day.
Setup. Pairs. 10–12 min per full exchange. Simple setup.
In a forum. The debrief is where this pays off. Did people over-explain? Under-ask? Accept refusals gracefully? This opens a real conversation about how members ask for what they need — inside the forum and in life.
One person sits in the center. Everyone else takes turns offering sincere, specific appreciations — not “you’re great” but “I appreciate you for the moment last month when you stayed on the phone for two hours.”
The person in the center only receives — no deflecting, no “oh it was nothing.” Just take it in.
Rotate until everyone who wants to has sat in the center.
Setup. Group of 4–12. Works best after a retreat day or end of year. No materials needed.
In a forum. Powerful end-of-year or end-of-retreat ritual. The challenge of receiving appreciation without deflecting is itself the practice — and most people find it harder than expected.
Circling is a relational meditation practice developed by Guy Sengstock, rooted in a simple premise: that the most profound gift you can offer another person is to be genuinely curious about their inner world, and to share your experience of being with them. It began in the Bay Area in the 1990s and has grown into a global community of practice.
Setup. Pairs. ~10 min per exchange. Works well as a forum opener.
In a forum. The symbol creates a safe third object to approach — people often reveal more about themselves through the image they choose than they would through direct self-description.
Setup. Pairs. ~15 min per full exchange. Timer needed.
In a forum. Excellent for a session focused on growth or transition. “Who are you becoming?” is a different question than “What are your goals?” — and the answers show it.
Setup. Pairs. ~12 min per exchange. Works as check-in or deeper reflection.
In a forum. Forum members are often more comfortable talking about the outside than the inside. This exercise creates a bridge — the outer world becomes a way in.
One person receives the full attention of the group. Members share their present-moment experience of being with that person — observations, feelings, curiosities, the impact of being in their presence. The “circlee” responds authentically. A facilitator guides the group.
The aim is to “get someone’s world” — not to analyze, fix, or advise, but to be genuinely curious about what it’s like to be them.
Setup. Group of 4–10. Facilitator recommended for first experiences. 30–60 min per circle.
In a forum. The deepest practice in this library. Forums that introduce Circling consistently describe it as a before/after moment in the group’s life. Recommend bringing in an experienced facilitator for the first session.
Susan Campbell, Ph.D., spent 50 years developing what became the foundational language for the entire Authentic Relating movement. Her work — Getting Real, Saying What’s Real, and From Triggered to Tranquil — gives people the specific phrases and practices needed to move from habitual, controlling communication to genuine present-centered contact.
The simplest and most powerful phrase in Susan Campbell’s toolkit. When someone says something that lands, instead of going to your habitual response — advice, a story, a deflection — you say: “Hearing you say that, I feel…”
It forces you to check in with your own present-moment feeling before responding. It keeps you on your own side of the net — speaking about your experience, not interpreting theirs.
Setup. Pairs. 10–15 min. Can also be practiced as a daily communication tool.
In a forum. Teaching this phrase alone changes how members respond to updates. Instead of advice-giving as the first reflex, they start with contact. That shift — from advice to presence — is one of the most important transitions a forum can make.
Not a general statement (“I want you to be more present”) but a specific, in-the-moment request (“I want you to look into my eyes right now”). The specificity is what creates real contact — you’re asking for something your partner can actually give, right here, and you’re taking the risk of wanting it.
The key distinction: you’re revealing a want, not demanding fulfillment. The other person has every right to say no. Wanting is an act of vulnerability, not control.
Partners take turns making specific, present-moment requests for 5 minutes each. The receiver can say yes, no, or offer something adjacent. Notice your patterns — do you ask too vaguely? Do you apologize for wanting? Do you deflect when someone says no?
Setup. Pairs. 10–15 min. Works well after a trust-building exercise.
In a forum. Forum members often discover they have trouble asking for what they actually need — from the group, from their partners, from their teams. This practice surfaces that in a low-stakes setting.
Note: expressing resentment is not blaming. Feelings don’t need to be reasonable. Naming them clears the way for genuine appreciation.
Setup. Pairs or small group. 20–30 min. Best with established trust.
In a forum. Powerful for a forum that has been together for a year or more and has accumulated unexpressed tension. Many forums describe this as the exercise that gave them permission to be honest with each other.