The Annual Retreat

The annual retreat can be the turning point in a forum's year. It's where the group steps outside the monthly rhythm — away from the usual venue, the usual time constraints, the usual roles — and spends extended time together in a way that isn't possible in a two- to four-hour meeting.

Best practice is for forums to hold a retreat once a year: at least a full day, preferably an overnight(s), perhaps a whole weekend. The style varies widely.

• Some groups bring in an outside facilitator, which can be especially valuable so the moderator can participate fully as a member. This approach requires planning ahead of time with the facilitator.
• Sometimes, a guest speaker is invited for only part of the retreat.
• A subgroup can plan and run the retreat. This approach can work well by sharing leadership among more members, and can give the moderator a chance to "sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight."
• Some use the time for a longer version of their usual meeting structure. Some build the retreat around a specific exercise — Lifelines is a common choice for groups that haven't done it yet, because the exercise requires the kind of time and trust that a retreat naturally provides. 360s can be another good choice.

What makes a retreat different from a regular meeting isn't just the length. It's the permission that extended time creates. In a monthly meeting, the clock reminds the group to stick to the agenda and make sure everyone has airtime. That structure serves the group well most of the time. But it also creates a limit, and some discussions need more room than that format allows.

A retreat can remove that limit. E.g. when a member presents their Lifeline — the full arc of their life, the high points and the low points, the turning points they understand and the ones they're still making sense of — the group needs to be able to sit with what's shared without watching the clock. The depth that emerges from a well-run Lifelines session is one of the more connecting experiences a forum has all year. Similar outcomes can occur with 360s.

Logistics matter. The location should be somewhere that feels different from everyday life — not a conference room, not someone's office. A rented house, a vacation home, a retreat center — even a cabin can work. The change in environment signals that the retreat is special.

Cost also matters. No member should miss a retreat due to difficulty paying. One practice when planning is to have each member write on a card (anonymously) the maximum total they are willing to spend on lodging, food, facilitator, transportation, etc. The cards are collected by the moderator, and the budget is set based on the lowest amount. Members can also indicate how much they would be willing to contribute toward someone under financial duress so everyone can participate.

Food planning should be intentional. For some groups, it should be handled so nobody feels distracted by planning or preparing at the retreat. Other groups use meal planning, preparation, and clean-up as another way to interact and bond. If the group chooses to eat out, it's critical that confidential conversation not be heard by other patrons or staff.

The schedule should include unstructured time, because some of the most important conversations happen between the formal sessions. Walks, hikes, time on the water, or other outdoor activities are especially conducive to conversations that otherwise might not happen. Even carpooling to and from the retreat can create its own satisfactions.

The facilitator question should be taken seriously. Many forums run their own retreats, with the moderator facilitating, or the facilitating shared among several members. This approach can work favorably for well-functioning established groups. For groups in their early years, or who have been particularly stressed, an outside facilitator can bring appropriate expertise, and allow the moderator to fully participate as a member.

The real measure of a good retreat isn't whether members enjoyed it. It's whether the group is different afterward. A retreat done well creates a new baseline of trust that carries into the next year of meetings. Members reference retreat conversations and traditions for years. The shared experience becomes part of the group's identity — one of those shared references that only the people who were present can ever fully understand.

That's what makes the annual retreat worth the investment of time, money, and vulnerability. The retreat is not an add-on to the forum experience. It's often where the forum experience truly takes root.

© 2026 Melissa M. Weiksnar