In brief
- Forum is a confidential peer support group of ideally eight to ten members who meet monthly to share what is really happening in their professional, family, and personal lives.
- Three principles are non-negotiable: absolute confidentiality (nothing, no one, never), the 5% (sharing what a member cannot say anywhere else), and sharing experience instead of giving advice (first person, past tense). The group writes its constitution which also includes purpose, commitment, operating principles, and roles.
- Meetings typically run four hours if in person and two to three if on video. A typical agenda includes an opening, updates from each member, one or two deep dive presentations with experience sharing, and a close. Each member is expected to own their Forum experience and contribute accordingly.
- The first few meetings establish the routine; soon thereafter the dynamics usually start to shift as trust builds. The depth comes from well prepared updates and presentations, generous listening, and consistent attendance.
The mission of HBS is to "educate leaders who make a difference in the world." [9] But all leaders have challenges — professional, family, personal — that they may not be able to share with most people. They need a place to work through their challenges with a set of peers who "get it" having shared an HBS education. In Forum, members share what is actually happening in their lives and are met with the shared experience of their peers. Forum thus provides a space for them to grow as leaders and as people.
This guide covers what Forum is, where the practice comes from, its three non-negotiable principles, what a group agrees to in its constitution, what a meeting looks like, and who does what.
Read the one-page Quick ReferenceDownload
What Forum is
A forum is a confidential peer support group of ideally eight to ten members [1,2] who meet monthly to share what is really going on in their professional, family, and personal lives. The meetings are structured, and the commitment is serious.
Forum is not a networking group: no dealmaking or pitching each other. It's not a substitute for therapy: it can be therapeutic, but it does not diagnose or treat. It's not a mastermind where members brainstorm solutions to each other's problems. And it's not a social club, though the connections that develop tend to be unlike any others a member has.
Members disclose where they are being challenged — e.g. the workplace decision that keeps them up at night, the difficult relationship, what comes next in a transition. Members come from different industries and stages of life, and are willing to be vulnerable and share deeply. Structure, confidentiality, and peers doing (or having done) relatable work make deep discussions possible.
Where the Forum Model comes from
The forum model comes from YPO, the Young Presidents' Organization, which has run confidential peer support groups for CEOs since the mid-1970s. [3,4] Its meeting structure, presentation process, experience sharing discipline, language protocol, and roles were developed and refined across thousands of YPO forums worldwide. [3]
Bob Halperin, MBA 1982 and co-founder of HBS Alumni Forums, brought the forum experience to Harvard Business School alumni clubs after serving as Chief Education Officer at YPO. [5,6] The members of an HBS Alumni Forum are HBS alums; the practice is originally YPO's, adapted for this community.
Three principles that make Forum work
Of the principles a forum runs on, three matter most, throughout its life.
Confidentiality: nothing, no one, never. [1] Nothing shared in the group goes any further: not to a spouse, not to a best friend, not in a vague reference at a dinner party that someone might piece together. The standard is absolute because a member deciding whether to be vulnerable is calculating, in real time, whether it is safe to do so. Anything less than absolute confidentiality lets the internal censor back in. Conversely, absolute confidentiality allows the truth to be disclosed. (Read the full article)
The 5%: maybe 95% of a member's life is shareable: work generalities can be mentioned at a social event, vacation plans can be exchanged with a colleague, a child's school situation can be shared with other parents. [7] Forum is for the other 5% — a suspicion not said out loud, the fear not named, the question without a clean answer. The 5% is where Forum does its deepest work, and what the group is building toward. (Read the full article)
Experience sharing, not advice: When a member brings a challenge, the others do not tell them what to do. [1] They share what they did when they faced something similar, and the associated feelings, in the first person and past tense: "When I went through a version of this conundrum, I felt..." With advice, one person has the answer, the other does not. With experience sharing, each peer carries their own version of the difficulty. The person with the challenge is the person with the solution; the group's job is to share experience for the member to reflect upon until clarity arrives. (Read the full article)
The constitution
Within its first few meetings, a Forum writes its constitution. [1] It documents the group's agreements on purpose, commitment (including attendance, punctuality, and preparation), operating principles, and roles.
The moderator walks the group through building the constitution over a meeting or two. A Constitution builder tool facilitates the process. Members discover where they agree easily and where they do not. Someone may feel strongly about attendance expectations; someone else may be more concerned about what happens when a member is not pulling their weight. Those discussions surface the group's values before a crisis forces the group to figure them out.
A finished constitution gives the group a shared reference point when difficult situations arise. "We agreed to 100% attendance" is a different conversation from "I feel like you're not committed."
Sample constitutions from other forums are on the constitution page.
What a meeting looks like
Forum meetings typically run about four hours in person, and two to three on video. The structure can be the same every month, especially in the early years. As the group matures, agendas may be more creative, though need to adhere to the three Forum principles mentioned above.
Opening
The opening achieves two purposes: it declares that the Forum space is special, and it transitions members into that space. The moderator welcomes the group, and should ask whether anyone has any tweaks to the agenda in case something happened in between the agenda being sent out and the actual meeting.
What comes next is not one fixed ritual. Many groups use a communication starter [1]: a brief question, a minute or less per member, that asks how members are feeling coming into the meeting. A question could also be something more factual like "What's one weight you're carrying today that you'd like to set down?" Some read the purpose statement out of their own constitution. Some open with a minute of silence.
The group should also explicitly recommit to confidentiality, either by going around the room individually or everyone giving a hand signal. It's also best practice to do a round of clearing the air so that any little issues can be addressed before they fester into a crisis. Clearing can also include any distractions someone is carrying; appreciations; or individual situations (e.g. something bugging a member from a previous meeting). It's also advisable for those who presented at the previous meeting to give a 3–5 minute recap on the impact of their deep dive, and any feedback from that session.
~5–15 minutes
Updates
Each member gives an update on professional, family, and personal life. This update should not be a status report or travelogue, but rather bringing their 5% to the group.
The moderator decides on the update format for the meeting and provides it to members in the agenda so they can prepare.
The length of updates can vary, but generally need at least three minutes per member. If the agenda is packed they might be only one minute each. They can go longer, especially with creative formats. Extended update time — at least 6 minutes — is advisable if the group has not met recently (e.g. some groups take off July and August).
> Same facts. Different act.
> "Work is busy, kids are great, we went to Napa."
> "Work is relentless and I'm not handling it well, I'm really anxious and noticing I'm becoming short-fused, at work and at home. The kids are fine but I barely see them, and it tears me up inside that I can't be more present for them, especially when I can see they want more of me. We went to Napa for our anniversary and I spent half of it on my phone, and I feel guilty and ashamed, esp. as I could see my partner pulling away from what should have been a time to really reconnect, something I'm really missing."
> The second version is what Forum is for.
Some groups use a structured format — best, worst, what a member dreads, what they anticipate — across each life area. Others open with a feeling: which of the four core emotions (mad, sad, scared, glad) is most alive right now. The Five Core Emotions grid adds ashamed and shows each feeling at three intensities.
The parking lot connects the updates to the presentation. The topics raised during updates should be recorded (parked) and used as a source for deep dive presentations, either at a future meeting or a mini-presentation the same day. [8]
At least 3 minutes per person
Presentation
One member brings something real to the group — a challenge, a decision, a situation they are confronting. The topic can come straight out of the parking lot, or it can be prepared in advance with a coach and/or Forum Sage. The following description assumes advance preparation, in which case presenters can send an electronic copy to the other members as background reading. The group needs to decide whether the presentation is recorded — audio and/or video. Recording provides the option for the presenter to replay the session, as it's nearly impossible to absorb everything in real time. Sometimes, instead of a recording, someone will scribe the salient points. While most people feel reluctant to watch or listen to a recording of themselves, usually that feeling resolves as the presenter can mine for gold in the richness of all that was said. Any member can ask for a recording to be paused if they do not want their experience share to be recorded.
The presentation starts with a one word open, starting with the presenter: this step helps calibrate the group's emotional pulse. The group then recommits to confidentiality. The coach lays out the purpose of the presentation (what the presenter would like the group's experience with), boundaries (what the presenter doesn't want to get into), obstacles (what gets in the way), feelings, and cause for feelings. The moderator repeats the purpose and asks if the forum members are clear on that purpose.
Next, the coach (usually the previous meeting's presenter) leads a communication starter that connects the group to the emotional territory of the topic, typically 30 seconds per person. The presenter then speaks uninterrupted for fifteen to twenty minutes: background, current situation, what they have considered, what they are feeling. The group listens.
Afterward comes no more than 20 minutes of clarifying questions and questions that open new territory — not advice disguised with a question mark. The group observes three minutes of silence [1] while each member searches their own life for what connects to what they just heard.
Then experience sharing begins. One at a time, each member speaks for up to three minutes about something in their own life that resonates with the presenter's situation. The statement is in the first person, and past tense. "When I was facing something similar, I felt..." When seven or eight members do so in turn, the presenter leaves not with a to-do list, but rather having been heard — often for the first time — on the topic. And sometimes, a person who shares an experience that may seem tangential may actually be what the presenter most needed to hear. Additionally, an experience share could end up being valuable to another member who is facing a challenge but not presenting.
The presenter concludes by reflecting for up to three minutes on what they are thinking and feeling as a result of the presentation — not a commitment to the group.
Typically 75 minutes. Can go as long as 90 minutes. Alternative presentation formats can run from 15 to 55 minutes.
Close
The close is not always the next agenda item after the presentation: logistics, scheduling, etc. often come in between.
Groups close in more than one way. In the one-word close [1], each member, starting with the presenter, offers a single word for what is inside them — not masked advice for someone else. Some groups use the Meeting Pulse, a two-minute anonymous survey members answer on their phones before they leave. It gives the moderator a reading on how the meeting landed and adds whatever surfaced to the parking lot. Other groups do a meeting evaluation by going around the room with each member taking 30 seconds to say how the meeting landed with them: what worked, what didn't. This method allows members to hear before they leave how others found the experience, which can add to group cohesion. Another question can be: what is each of you taking away from the meeting.
~10 minutes
The remaining time goes to a second presentation, a break, and logistics.
For more on each part of the meeting, see the full articles on updates, the presentation, and conflict and repair.
Forum Roles
A forum can have up to eight distinct roles, and many of them rotate, so ownership of the Forum belongs to everyone, not just the moderator.
The moderator is akin to a Board chair: prepares the agenda, guides transitions, reads the group, and decides when to let a discussion run and when to redirect. When something is new to the group, the moderator will often model what is expected. Once a group knows a format, whoever goes first sets the tone, and it needn't be the moderator. Moderators typically serve one-year terms and are elected by the group. An assistant moderator can work closely with the moderator, and often becomes the successor. [1]
The presenter brings a challenge for experience sharing. Presenting requires pre-work, typically a conversation with the coach beforehand to clarify purpose, boundaries, and the core feelings underneath the topic. Presentations can also be prepared with the help of Forum Sage.
The coach, usually the previous meeting's presenter, meets with the presenter beforehand to help them prepare, then keeps the elements of the presentation on track during the session.
The timekeeper watches the clock against the agenda. [1] The judgment call comes when a member is in the middle of something real and the time is up. The timer signals; the moderator decides. It is helpful for the group to discuss their timekeeping preferences to prevent resentments that can accrue from unbalanced airtime.
Some Forums have a language observer to listen for advice-giving. When a member slips into "you should" or "have you considered," the observer provides a gentle notice. The role can be especially important in year one. Other Forums insist that every member observes language as part of owning their Forum experience.
If a presentation is not being recorded, a scribe can take notes during experience sharing and give them to the presenter afterward, because the presenter is usually too immersed to remember all the specifics. A scribe can also record the parking lot.
How a group keeps that record varies. Some scribes still write on paper and, if in person, hand the pages over at the end. Others type into a shared document. A group meeting on Zoom can record the session or keep the automatic transcript, or a member can record on a phone in the meeting space. Any type of recording — written or electronic — is covered by Forum confidentiality. To that end, if a presenter provides material for the group to read before the meeting, the documents must be destroyed after the meeting.
Some groups also designate a host (meeting space and refreshments) and a social coordinator (between-meeting gatherings) or a subgroup to plan the annual retreat. Some groups need a treasurer; others keep finances informal. Some may have an AI point person. A group can add or discontinue roles as it evolves.
Finally, everyone has the role of member at all times: following the constitution, maintaining confidentiality, attending consistently, preparing thoughtfully, and taking responsibility for one's own Forum experience. A member who finds something is not working raises it. A member who notices they are holding back leans in. Forum is not a service; everyone is giving and receiving at the same time. (Read the full article on roles)
What to expect in year one
The first meeting may feel a little awkward. Members are sitting — in person or virtually — with people they do not know yet, and are expected to share what they normally would not. The meeting structure helps by giving them a structure to follow. The first few meetings are learning about each other, becoming used to the meeting rhythm, and noticing how others show up.
By the third or fourth meeting, the dynamic starts to shift. The group finds its voice. Someone goes deeper than expected in an update, and the group changes with it. A presentation touches something real, and the experience sharing feels unlike anything the members have done in a professional setting. They start to notice who in the group sees what they miss, who asks the question that opens something up, whose quiet makes the group feel safe.
Not every meeting will feel the same. Some months are maintenance: solid updates, a good presentation, steady connection. In others, a shift in trust or vulnerability is palpable. Depth comes over time, and the maintenance meetings make it possible. Trust is built through small, consistent acts of showing up prepared and being honest about where a member actually is.
A few habits help in the early months. Members listen generously and make sure everyone has airtime, especially during experience sharing. When a turn comes, they speak from their own experience rather than reaching for the smart observation. They prepare the update beforehand, because the pre-work done before a meeting is worth more than any amount of improvisation in it. And they are patient with the format: some practices and roles can feel stiff at first, but that stiffness loosens as the group matures, and by then the reason for the structure is clear. In fact, even established Forums who decide to loosen up inevitably lose a quality that only returns once Forum principles and the group's constitution are lived, not just written.
How to prepare
Before a first meeting: a member reads this guide, especially the three principles (Confidentiality, The 5%, and Experience sharing). Then take a hard look at what is really happening across professional, family, and personal life — not the polished version.
Before every meeting: each member prepares their update, deciding in advance what to share in the allocated minutes, and noting what they are tempted to leave out. The potential omission may be what's most worth actually saying. Forum Sage can help members prepare.
Before presenting: the coach helps the presenter prepare. The work is to name the situation, name the feelings underneath it, and say what kind of engagement the group is being asked for. "I'd like the group's experience with making a decision that will disappoint someone I love" is a strong purpose statement; "I want to talk about my business" is too vague to be useful. (Read the full article on the deep dive)
Practical matters
An in-person Forum meets once a month for about four hours, on a schedule set in advance, usually for the full year. (Some groups schedule the next meeting and a backup date before they end the current meeting). While the constitution will specify attendance expectations, 100% is best practice. Because every other member decides how deep to go partly on the basis of who is present, an absence is felt as a gap, especially while the group is still forming.
Where a Forum meets virtually, the structure is similar. Some details change: a private space with the door closed, camera on, and distractions genuinely off. The screen can make the group slightly harder to read, and the structure can help compensate for that. Virtual meetings tend to run shorter — two to three hours. See virtual forum best practices.
Between meetings, some groups keep a text thread or email chain for logistics. What is said at meetings goes no further: no substantive follow-ups about what someone shared, no side conversations about another member's presentation. A member who wants to check in with another about something they shared does it one-on-one, and lets them lead.
Forums can also call emergency meetings in between scheduled meetings for urgent issues. Attendance at emergency meetings is not mandatory.
Questions, concerns, or a sense that something is off go to the moderator. The moderator may consult other members as needed, or with outside Forum Support.
The members who get the most from Forum decide early to invest fully: prepared updates, real presentations, honest experience sharing, and consistent attendance.
The value of a Forum unfolds over months and years, not in one meeting. Trust the structure, and each other.
Welcome to Forum.
Sources
[1] Mo Fathelbab, Forum: The Secret Advantage of Successful Leaders (Lulu, 2007). https://www.amazon.com/Forum-Secret-Advantage-Successful-Leaders/dp/B09LZZGBJ1
[2] Boris Groysberg and Robert Russman Halperin, “How to Get the Most out of Peer Support Groups,” Harvard Business Review, May–June 2022. https://hbr.org/2022/05/how-to-get-the-most-out-of-peer-support-groups
[3] YPO, “YPO Forum.” https://www.ypo.org/profile/ypo-forum/
[4] Forum Space, “Forum: From Six to a Billion.” https://www.forumspace.com/blog/forum-from-six-to-a-billion
[5] YPO, “Bob Halperin.” https://www.ypo.org/profile/bob-halperin/
[6] Alumni Forum Services, “About Us.” https://www.alumniforums.org/about-us
[7] Alumni Forum Services, “Forum Update Form: Sharing in the 5%.” https://www.alumniforums.org/resources/forum-update-form-sharing-in-the-5
[8] Forum Support Services, “The Monthly Update.” forumsupport.org/resources/articles/monthly-update/
[9] Harvard Business School, “Mission.” https://www.hbs.edu/about/Pages/mission.aspx