The opening exercise of my Forum's 2026 retreat was about nicknames. The preparation instructions were simple: bring nicknames you've had over the years — professional, partner, family, community. I modeled the exercise, starting with a poem I'd written about my own nicknames. As others shared, we heard insights into different eras of their lives, names that had stuck and names they'd nearly forgotten, and what nicknames can reveal about power dynamics.

To prepare, I used Forum Sage to sharpen my thinking as exercise moderator. A partial transcript of that conversation appears below. Sage's articulation — and its reinforcement of Forum principles — turned out to matter as much as anything I brought to the exercise myself. Note that Forum members who use this exercise in the future could also use Forum Sage to prepare their story.

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Forum Sage: Let me take you one level deeper — not about structure, but about you as exercise moderator.

When you read that poem… what emotions are you actually expecting to feel in that moment?

MW: The cringe-y-ness of nicknames I didn't like from male partners and a therapist (I'm female), as well as the deep affection I felt with nicknames from my grandmother, aunts, and kids.

Forum Sage: That's powerful — and it's specific.

Cringe. Affection. There's also something underneath what you said…

Maybe shame, tenderness, even a bit of anger or violation from how those nicknames were given?

That mix — that contrast — is exactly what creates the shift you're aiming for.

Because when you stand there holding both:

…you're not just being vulnerable. You're giving the group permission to explore their own contradictions.

And that's where breakthroughs tend to happen.

So here's the moment I want you to picture: you finish reading the poem. There's a pause. People feel something — but they're deciding how far to go.

What do you imagine happening in the room right after you finish?

MW: People will see a wider range of me than they have since they've known me (I'm the 2012 member). It will encourage them to go deep about how their nicknames landed well or badly, and what that reflects about their relationships.

Forum Sage: Yes — that's exactly what should happen on the surface.

They'll see more of you. They'll reflect on their own nicknames. They'll connect it to relationships. All true.

But I want to slow you down right at the most important moment of your entire retreat…

Because what you just described is still mostly cognitive and reflective.

Breakthroughs don't come from:

They come from:

So here's the question that matters most:

After you share your poem — and someone else starts to speak — what would tell you that they've gone past reflection and into something real for themselves?

MW: An experience share about a feeling about a nickname that they hadn't realized until they'd heard the poem.

Forum Sage: Yes. That's the moment.

When someone hears your poem and then realizes, in real time, "that nickname actually made me feel… small… or chosen… or controlled… or loved in a way I've never named."

That's the shift.

And notice what you just did — you moved from topic (nicknames) → experience → feeling discovered in the moment.

That's exactly how breakthroughs happen in forum.

So your design can get there.

Let me take you to the edge of it: when that person starts sharing — and you can feel they're right on the boundary between staying safe and going deeper… what do you tend to do in that moment?

You moved from topic → experience → feeling discovered in the moment. That's exactly how breakthroughs happen in forum.

© 2026 Melissa M. Weiksnar

New to Sage? Start with About Forum Sage, or read Using Forum Sage Effectively for more habits like this one.